Lagging again
Well I've gone and done it. I never did cet it touch with the girl yesterday. Now I've decided that I'm going to wait till after Christmas unless she comes over to my place. I don't want to ruin the spirit for her or me but I also don't want to let it go for to long. If I don't get it done I have decided that it will definitly not lead me to anything but trouble. So I need to do it and I know that right now I'm sounding like a member of the procrastinaters club of america but I'm really not trying to I just don't know how to do it exactly. I know that it is going to hurt us bolth so I'm just going to tell her strait. The truth hurts sometimes but the truth is the truth. No way to get around it that is how it is. Jason died yesterday one my one week aniversary of getting out of jail. So I didn't even get to see him since I had been out of jail. It had been probably eighteen months since I saw him last. I hope that this girl that I am in such a tricky situation over also knew him so maybe she will spend a while thinking about how and why he died. Maybe it will wake her up without me having to intervein. I can only hope and if she doesn't I will have to ask her to make that decision of me or drugs and I will help her if she chooses to get away from drugs. I have been there and I know where she is with it. So I've got to go for now. Love bites.
posted by Mr. Math @ 9:57 AM
WELL...
1 comments
1 Comments:
Doing something purposefully, waiting for the right time to do something, isn't necessarily procrastinating. I think you make a very good point about waiting until after Christmas. You need some time to get your thoughts together. Maybe you could even write them down as if you're going to write the letter to her - it doesn't mean you have to give it to her. It might just help you organize what you want to say. You're dead-on about one thing....there is no way you can do this and not hurt her. The question is this, will it hurt more if you find out she's dead and you didn't do anything? Will it hurt more if you just keep things going even if your complete heart is not in it? You can do something like this in a kind, nice way and but that doesn't mean someone won't be hurt. Unfortunately getting hurt is just a part of life. A sucky part, for sure but it's a part all the same. It often takes a great "hurt" to get the attention of most of us mortal humans. Sad, but true. Richer/Poorer, Sickness/Health ... no matter how many people in the world say those words it never fails that when the Poorer and Sickness parts come up we look around like "shit, I never thought it would be THIS bad. I never thought we'd be THIS poor or THIS sick." It's just the nature of us human creatures. We don't "get it" usually until we're stuck chin deep in it. Yep, the truth is the truth and there is only one truth. Pretty good words to live by. Sorry you have so much to deal with the first week out of jail. But, you're dealing. One thing at a time. One step at a time, even if that step is nothing more than a tiny babystep if it's in the right direction, it's good enough. Again, Jason dying on the week anniversary of your getting out of jail must mean something.
There is a very cool song by the Byrds written a long time ago. You may have heard it but the lyrics are:
To everything, turn, turn, turn
There is a season, turn, turn, turn
And a time for every purpose under heaven
A time to be born, a time to die
A time to plant, a time to reap
A time to kill, a time to heal
A time to laugh, a time to weep
A time to build up, a time to break down
A time to dance, a time to mourn
A time to cast away stones
A time to gather stones together
A time of love, a time of hate
A time of war, a time of peace
A time you may embrace
A time to refrain from embracing
A time to gain, a time to lose
A time to rend, a time to sew
A time of love, a time of hate
A time of peace, I swear it’s not too late
It's a beautiful song by a rock group in the 60's I think. Seems to fit well with what you're going through right now, especially this: "And a time for every purpose under heaven" Good luck and I hope you have a day where things will start to make sense and fall into place. If not, then, maybe tomorrow. Just remember, there is a time for everything.....
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