a day with her
Well I spent most of last night and today with this legendary woman from previous posts. I don't even know where to start i have a little better idea of where I stand but not that much better. I know that she still has feelings for me. Thats definitly good. But as I had worried she is even more into the drugs side then I had origionally suspected. I've watched others get that total love blindness and I know that anyone can catch that very powerfull hurtfull bug so I've got to be carefull. I'm trying to watch my back as well as keep it going with her. Is that possible? I know where I stand now it is time for her to choose hers. I had a real talk with her and she was reduced all the way to tears. I felt so bad that I also joined her for a good cry. We cried together and then we resumed our talk. I really told her how I felt about meth and her. I told her how scared I was that if she kept up her meth use that I would start using again with her and how that would tear us back apart. I really think that this could be the woman of my dreams but there is allways that spec of doubt in my mind that if left unchecked could cause me to sabotage it myself. If I don't pay any attention to it at all I will end up with that total blindness that i have seen tear people apart when they finially find out that it is over and it has been for a long time they were just the very last person to know that they are in something that has been gone and isn't reopening anytime soon I don't know where either one of those points begin maybe its because I'm young maybe it is because the line doesn't have a set cordinate. Then again maybe I'm just rambling on about some bullshit. So before I get to far off of the subject I will get myself back on track. So while I was spending all this tim with this woman I also found out some more about the adventure that has her going to court. She managed to get herself into a high speed chase in a stolen car with a gun and five illigals and she isn't a citizen of the US she is still a citizen of Canada she may not end up serving jail time but getting deported. So again I'm stuck I want to make it work but then again what if it doesn't or she gets deported? I will be setting myself up to fail?? But if it does work out I will have gained so much and learned alot along the way that I took to get there.
posted by Mr. Math @ 7:57 PM
WELL...
6 comments
6 Comments:
My sister is hooked on meth. I wish I could show her what she's done to her life. She's had her kids taken, brought back and taken again, so they are screwed up, she looks 20 years older than she is; she's a mess. And, you know why she does it? And, here's a secret, do you know why MANY females do meth? It's a different reason than for men. Women do it because you STAY thin and there's nothing more important in life you know, (or so the media would like women to think) there's nothing more important than being thin. I"m not saying it's your friends reason but you'd be surprised that it's the reason for so many woman. This is time for tough love. Here's my advice, although you didn't ask for it, here's what happens on blogs - people give their opinions - sometimes it's supporing what you're doing other times it's not - I say, if you love her, you won't be with her if she continues this. If so, then you are being responsible too. Think about it this way, let's say your mom was in love with a guy. And you knew the guy did meth. What advice would you want to give your mom about getting involved with a man that had this serious a problem? Now, if he wanted to stop the problem, and wanted help, let's say went to NA (Narcotics Anonymous) and you could go to. As support. Then, that's cool. I respect you where you said this: "I know where I stand now it is time for her to choose hers." YOu know what that is don't you? Maturity. Being responsible. Being an adult. And, if she has court problems now it's only going to get worse if she's using. Damn. Love hurts. Thousands of songs have been written over the years about the pain of love. Poems, songs, movies, plays. Now you know why. Doing the right thing. Being and adult. Growing up. Man, it's hard. It's tough stuff. This is one of the very tough parts of it and you are facing it head on with yourself knowing who you are. Standing behind the choices you've made without judging but doing it in love and respect. For yourself. One day at a time. The fact that you know who you want to be, what you want to stand for, means you've outgrown her a little but sometimes that happens in life. Hang in there, btw, I know your mom, I'm Terri. Nice to meet you man. Your mom has my blog address. I live in S. California was a stand-up comedian, now have a "real" job. My sons, now 25 and 29, had some rough times. The 25 year old is still living at home and he spent a lot of time in juvie. I wish you could talk to Corre now. Like you, his last time in juvie, he "got" it. You know what? Just the other night one of his friends ran from the cops. Corre came home thinking, what an idiot. He's outgrown that bullshit and his friends are still flirting with life and death. In the meantime he has a good job and is happy. It's pretty nice to not have a chip on your shoulder. To not have to worry about getting caught at something. He realized finally how much easier life is to play by the rules. To exhale and inhale without worrying you're going to get pulled over. Good luck my friend. Remember, you can't make it work if someone isn't going to respect you and what choices you've made. You've made some honorable choices and I hope you stand strong behind them.
as she's so very very good at doing... terri said it right.
there's a million kinds of love in the world from 'i love my dog/pizza/this movie etc all the way thry not just "I'd die for you" but much harder... "I'd LIVE for you"
tough love is the hardest of all. I know this.
c'mon... I dare ya... count my widdle grey hairs....
(but know fer shure kiddo... that i love you)
Good morning, Mr. Math. My name is whitey. I highly suggest you bail. Personally, I don't believe in "the one", insofar as there only being that many...it stacks the odd against us too staggeringly.
The thing you should be focusing on right now is you, and it would seem to me that what you need least is a temptation to repeat offenses...regardless of how it's dressed.
Brian and Whitey said it all hun, it's a hard thing to accept maybe but she aint the one....you need to bail! Sorry it sounds so harsh but the reality is harsh, if you don't put distance between you and your old life it will suck you in again. xx
some sage comments! here's my 2 cents to add:
I, Me. da Mom-lady...really LIKES the gal!
Hey you...
Just as your past choices made certain other future decisions automatic (get busted, do time), so will her choices do the same. Seems as though her choices are soon to lead her to a conclusion.
We can love others but we can only save ourselves. Her decision to continue to use is her path, not yours. You've done time and have a 2nd chance, please don't sabotage your freedom with a weight that isn't yours. These words come from love not fear: don't be afraid of losing her, b/c if she is using so much then she belongs to the drug anyway.
You quit. She can quit. You did time. Maybe she won't or maybe she will, but the life she is leading won't change until she decides to change it on her own, for herself. Should that happen, then you can help support that choice. But you can't make that choice for her.
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