one twist to many

You know one too many twist could leave you a little dizzy. Hey its fun to spin yourself to the point where you almost want to puke right? Or is that just the littlest glint of good shit that keeps us coming back for more. Drain bramage is what they said that I had. Well that was one fuck of an understatement wasn't it?? So some say its stupid, some despise it, some swear it "helps em cope" with the reality of the everyday life. I know that as while it can be quite fun to do almost anything. If your going to "tangle with the beasts of prey" drugs should not it be in moderation? If you so choose to go out and get fucked up every now and again is that not your choice. It only really becomes the business, problems, issues or causes of pain to others when those beasts you tangled with retain there every tightening grip on you. The truly sad thing is that you may never see it till its to late. The beast that I have gotten almost totally intertwined with is meth. She is one hell of a beast because even though you believe that you are not showing any or even many of the signs of being a "tweeker,meth head or speed freak" you really may be. When is that last time that each one of us stopped by a mirror not to pick at our face or neck? Yeah you may look at your self for a second in the mirror every now and then. The real question is still then when is the last time you really looked deep? I'm not talking about skin deep. Not looking and then leaving having seen nothing more then we wanted to. What I am talking about is taking a few minutes out of our ever so pointless seeming lives at times and looking into our own hearts. Think really hard. Can you honestly remember the last time that you did that?? If so were you fucked up when you did it?? Were you wanting to get fucked up?? Were you sober?? Or S.O.B.E.R. "Son Of  a Bitch Everythings  Real??" So if you have done this in your recent past. Or you choose to look deeper now there are a few carefully avoided by ourselves  questions. Who am I really?? I don't mean who do I wear as my shield against the world, who I play along as or even who I wish I was. I just plain and simply mean who are you NOW?? At this given moment. Is this who you want to be?? Does it do your heart and sole justice to be this person?? If you say it is really who you want to be you are 150% satisfied with who you are at this very moment then why?? Why do anything accept be you. If that fulfills you. But also beware of the fact that you can lie to yourself. If you keep at it long enough then you may even begin to believe these lies. This can be really dangerous. Because if you are wrapped that tightly in the grasp of anything, anyone or any beast you have already slipped into one hell of an abbess. Hope fully you will realize it . The sooner the better. You can climb back out. The less distance you have fallen the easier it is. I think that to be definitely true. That does not mean that you have fallen so far that you can not get back up. I know everyone has there inner battles. You know what though the strong of will and brave of heart continue that fight no matter what the fuck the odds  look like. If you truly want something bad enough you can get it. Do you want it bad enough to make the necessary steps. I know from experience that the grasps of my beast meth can make you feel like everything is going just great. You don't have to many cares. You have plenty cuz you make OK money at work. You go to work like your suppose to. You seem to have most of your life in order. Then it all slips and you and/or I have the beast intertwined with us more and more day by day and it shows. Maybe a little here and there maybe all at once. I know that I've fallen into the familiar grasp of the beast I know so well once again. Only at this point I am not intertwined and will not become so. I have fought this battle before why choose to fight it again and expect different results? Is that not the definition of insanity??

6 dictionary results for: insanity

Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1) - Cite This Source - Share This

in·san·i·ty        [in-san-i-tee] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation

–noun, plural -ties.

1.	the condition of being insane; a derangement of the mind.

2.	Law. such unsoundness of mind as affects legal responsibility or capacity.

3.	Psychiatry. (formerly) psychosis.

4.	extreme folly; senselessness; foolhardiness. So with that said I'm off to unwrap this beast from her grasp one little bit at a time. So life goes on??